I was sitting on the beach the night of December 31st at 11:59 pm thinking about the same old things you always think every new year.
I felt really fortunate sitting there, on the sand, looking towards the sea and thinking there was no better place to be that night (new year). When suddenly, from the back of my head, a little thought came to me: "This is your last new year of your 20's".
WHAAAAAAT?
Although I have been accepting the idea that I am really close to be thirty for some time (it hit me for the first time a couple of years ago), the idea really did struck me. I didn't felt fear or sadness. I felt shocked, like when someone hits you on the face while being distracted(No? Hasn't happened to you? Go out and live some more!). The days that followed, being on vacation and all, I had time to think about this. If I already knew I was close to thirty; then why was I so shocked? Well, it could be one of the following things:
As everybody says, life is over in a blink of an eye. I was 18 a couple of years ago, and now, I am 29??
Other is a weird theory a friend told me about, that has to do with relativity of time. The more time you live, you see your life as a whole, so every year you live is shorter... I don't know, she explained it really well and I understood it, but not sure how to explain it. (I'll take a stab at it later, maybe I'll be able to explain it, but if you see this note, it means I didn't proof read this, and I am a lousy lousy peace of shit, and that's why I have a terrible job and unable to do anything right).
The theory I must liked and conveniently convinced me is this one: "I don't feel 29". No, for real, I don't. And I don't mean something like those old guys that say something like "Yes, I'm 80 and I feel like 18". I am also not saying that it happened to me like in that movie "Big" from 1988 where Tom Hanks wishes to be an adult, and the next day he wakes up as a fully formed 20 something year old man (awesome movie, by the way). What I am saying is, I am conscious that I'm 29. I am able to see and acknowledge every year I lived and what I did during several of them, but... when I was younger saw my cousins that were thirty, and they looked like fully responsible adults, getting ready to get married. I am still not able to say "married" without feeling chills.
I mean, I am mostly irresponsible. I like to drink (a lot), I smoke, I party all fucking nite. I have heroes and idols like when i was a kid and I want to learn like 85 more things before I become an adult, and well, I am (supposed to be) pretty much an adult! WTF??
What makes me feel a little better is:
This life is mine, and about me; so I won't care of how others live their life. I will fucking live mine as my own and as I like. And I fucking feel 19, so I am going to live accordingly.
(So, I am lousy and partying again, no remorse.)
I felt really fortunate sitting there, on the sand, looking towards the sea and thinking there was no better place to be that night (new year). When suddenly, from the back of my head, a little thought came to me: "This is your last new year of your 20's".
WHAAAAAAT?
Although I have been accepting the idea that I am really close to be thirty for some time (it hit me for the first time a couple of years ago), the idea really did struck me. I didn't felt fear or sadness. I felt shocked, like when someone hits you on the face while being distracted
As everybody says, life is over in a blink of an eye. I was 18 a couple of years ago, and now, I am 29??
Other is a weird theory a friend told me about, that has to do with relativity of time. The more time you live, you see your life as a whole, so every year you live is shorter... I don't know, she explained it really well and I understood it, but not sure how to explain it. (I'll take a stab at it later, maybe I'll be able to explain it, but if you see this note, it means I didn't proof read this, and I am a lousy lousy peace of shit, and that's why I have a terrible job and unable to do anything right).
The theory I must liked and conveniently convinced me is this one: "I don't feel 29". No, for real, I don't. And I don't mean something like those old guys that say something like "Yes, I'm 80 and I feel like 18". I am also not saying that it happened to me like in that movie "Big" from 1988 where Tom Hanks wishes to be an adult, and the next day he wakes up as a fully formed 20 something year old man (awesome movie, by the way). What I am saying is, I am conscious that I'm 29. I am able to see and acknowledge every year I lived and what I did during several of them, but... when I was younger saw my cousins that were thirty, and they looked like fully responsible adults, getting ready to get married. I am still not able to say "married" without feeling chills.
I mean, I am mostly irresponsible. I like to drink (a lot), I smoke, I party all fucking nite. I have heroes and idols like when i was a kid and I want to learn like 85 more things before I become an adult, and well, I am (supposed to be) pretty much an adult! WTF??
What makes me feel a little better is:
This life is mine, and about me; so I won't care of how others live their life. I will fucking live mine as my own and as I like. And I fucking feel 19, so I am going to live accordingly.
(So, I am lousy and partying again, no remorse.)
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